This week, I had my visit to the Rheumy for my routine check up as the days approached I began to think of how far I’ve come.
In the overall scheme of things I’ve done more than I ever thought was possible. Each day I push myself to be the best that I can be. Don’t get me wrong there are certainly times when I throw a total diva strop about having to do those evil injections & about arthritis in general but for the most part my mission is to live life to the full.
So as the appointment date get’s closer I begin to evaluate the past few months. I always write a list of questions that I would like to ask & like most people I glance at the calendar to see how I’ve been feeling.
In my mind I built a big picture of how fantastic I feel & I’ve even managed to erase the bad days from my mind. Looking at the evidence in front me I had no option but to face up to reality I’ve my fair share of bad days. My mission - to go into my Rheumy with three little words "I’m doing great" but unfortunately that won’t be today.
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| “We must rediscover the distinction between hope and expectation.” ~Ivan Illich |
Heading to the appointment I build myself up I’m not sure what I'm expecting but after my appointment I feel deflated. In my mind I went thinking as I always do with that expectation that my Rheumy has all the answers including the one whereby I receive the magic potion where I’m free from arthritis.
No matter how many time’s I’ve seen my rheumy over the years I still leave disappointment and please don’t get me wrong my rheumy is fantastic he’s given me a new lease of life but I always leave feeling deflated.
I ask myself why I fell like this? Is it because for many years I was told I would grow out of JA ?Do I expect too much?Or maybe I forget my rheumy is not god he doesn’t have all the answers or at least the one I’m looking for the big C – Cure .
Am I alone in feeling like this ???
